Getting Focused

I have just a few days left before I go back to school.  I'm starting my second semester of my second year of vet school.  It amazes me how fast these semesters fly by, but even more so how quickly the breaks evade me.  I'm excited to push forward for many reasons, but reluctant in some ways, as well.

I feel like everyday I devote to learning more about veterinary medicine brings me closer to an answer to the biggest question in my mind: Where do I fit into all of this and how am I to use my education for God's will and His glory? 

This little guy is the Studybug.  My ex-boyfriend used to call me that when I had to study.  He's always brought a smile to my face when I'm hitting the books hard (which was almost every night last semester, but it paid off with almost a 4.0).  My ex had lots of nicknames for me, and I realize that's a bit childish looking back on it, but at the time, it was a symbol that I belonged to somebody, or better put, that someone wanted to let the world know that I was worth the time and effort he had invested in me.  He was so good to me and he really set the standard high.  I see clearly now that he and I were not meant to be, but that idealism still reigns in my heart today.  That's the problem.

So, as I face another semester of scholastic challenges that will probably challenge my emotions and self-control, as well as my intellect, I find myself wishing I had someone there who will support me as I go through this, even though they can't fully understand what I'm facing.  I'm the tough one in my family and I want to remain strong and self-sufficient, but I'm a traditionalist and a romantic to a fault.  I want someone as strong as me, preferably stronger, to be able to fall to pieces in front of.  No knight on a white horse (they always have manure stains on them, anyway), no dragon slayer, just a strong shoulder and an ear to listen that will want me just as I am.  One that will be honest, and will light up when I enter the room.  One that has my best interest at heart, even when he makes mistakes.  Lord knows I will always make mistakes. 

The challenge this semester will be to not wonder where that guy is.  The challenge will be to continue to pursue fitness and take care of myself in the meantime.  The challenge will be to ignore lonliness and focus on all the blessings in my life.  The challenge is to keep my mind from fearing I will settle for a man like those that have broken my heart in the past; like my father... like MM... I need to stay in the Word and keep reminding myself that God is the Lover of my soul and wants me above all others.  He will sustain me.