I feel shipwrecked. My family hit an ice storm and we've been scattered in every direction, with nothing left (although "nothing" is a relative term...) I don't know where we'll go from here as a family. I know I have to press on and focus on school because that is my future. I have to protect that at all costs so that I have a chance of avoiding the mistakes I've watched my parents make over the years. But, in that I feel so terribly selfish. There's nothing I can do to fix all the problems at home, but I still feel like I could do something more...
I trained at the Rec this morning early. I'm trying to do this CrossFit thing on my own to avoid pain from the past, but motivation is hard to find. Somehow, when sleep doesn't come and your mind won't shut off, and it takes every corny joke and unspoken cuss word to keep yourself from tearing up, getting up early in the 20F windchill to run, squat, and do burpees seems like a great escape. I hate running because it emphasizes every weak point I have. Cardio, focus, confidence, and the realization that I'm probably the worst runner ever. This morning I ran past a man in his wheelchair, pushing himself hard on the track. Suddenly I was grateful I had the blessing of functional legs that are blessed to burn like fire. I texted my mom and sister after my workout:
"As much as I hate running, the guy in the wheelchair on the track this morning made me grateful I can run. I'm grateful to God that, through all this terrible mess, I can stumble along with you"
Britt's response: "Awww' I'm glad that we have each other too sister. I'm also glad that you have legs :)"
It might feel like the end of the world, but the world is round and its end won't come until its Creator says so. Until then, I'll keep running.
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