These beautiful gifts from the Lord have been through Hell. They had to edure the pain of their parents' divorce after 14 years of marriage, and they suffered greatly (especially Haleigh). We have been busy with school and work (other non-eternal, temporary distractions), and have seen them very infrequently over the past year or two. This, coupled with family strife typical of miscommunication and broken hearts shattered on the floor, we have missed out on major aspects of their lives, but no more. Last night my sister and I took Haleigh to see The Houston Ballet perform The Nutcracker at the Wortham Theater. We had so much fun getting all dressed up, seeing all the glitter and sparkle of Christmas in the city, and enjoyed being "big girls". But the most touching part of the evening came when we stopped for dinner on the way.
We wanted to avoid the crowds, so Haleigh chose the 59 Diner (an old-fashioned 1950's style diner that serves juicy burgers and greasy french fries, with chocolate malts and peach cobbler). As we sat in the booth, Brittany and I facing this gorgeous young woman who still lovingly calls us BiBi and CiCi, we began to talk about how much we missed her, and she began to tell us how much we had missed. She has been dealing with the divorce, and more substantially the events that lead to the divorce, much harder than her younger brother. She's had run ins with the police, done things with boys she regrets, and has been diagnosed with some anxiety disorders and other such labels the world likes to put on children when they can't give them the answers they so desperately need (they need the love of their Heavenly Father).
As we sat there, crying and holding each others hands, probably completely freaking our poor waitress out, we realized family and God's love is stronger than the wreck of the past. This girl, her mother, her brother, even her father, they are all children of the same God who sent Christ to live among humans, live a sinless life, and die as the perfect sacrifice for all of our sins, only to raise from the dead and sit at the right hand of God the Father until He returns to take us home. We need to take comfort in that.
Why is the past so difficult to leave in the past? I think partly our human nature hangs onto it as a defense mechanism. Almost as if we are less likely to repeat past mistakes or let others fail us in the same way if we always hold onto those passed trangressions. Once bitten, twice shy. I think there is wisdom to be gained by analyzing the past and making choices based on the lessons learned from those experiences, but remaining bitter about wrongs that have been done to you or those closest to you is only going to debilitate you. You. Not the person who wronged you. The damage has been done, but 90% of the time the wrong doer finds a way to deal with his or her sin, but we can't let it go. True forgiveness means you walk away from the sin and don't bring it up again. I see my mom bring the past up daily and I want to shake her sometimes and scream "Just let it go already!" I don't want to be like that. I want to forgive like Christ forgave us:
"When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, having canceled the charge of our legal indebtedness, which stood against us and condemned us; he has taken it away, nailing it to the cross. And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross." Colossians 2:13-15
So, my Haleigh is on the mend, but it will take time. It will take mentorship and true love from her family, but mostly from her Father, Jehovah.
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